Me: "Blood bat"; Brain: "Blood bat". Me: "A bloodsucking enemy which"; Brain: "A bloodsucking enemy witch". One tiny misread bit and it completely changes what the enemy is, I was really confused for a second there.
*Thunder bird's description should be "Un oiseau qui utilise des attaques de foudre et de vent. A une grande esquive." It wasn't really wrong, but using "et" several times in a row makes the description sound like a kid is talking, since kids like to chain "et" in their sentences ^^ *Same thing goes for the Big green bush it should be "Une énorme version du buisson vert. Utilise des attaques de terre et de poison. Peut donner des buffs aux autres ennemis ainsi qu'invoquer des buissons verts et des chats soldats." *About the wolf dog, there is a minor typo. protêger should be protéger. *About the black dragon... "cave" means cellar/wine cellar, you should replace "cave" with "caverne". * The Ancient Monolith's description is a tiny bit messed up, it should be "Un monolithe d’une époque oubliée. Utilise des attaques de foudre extrêmement puissantes et peut défendre d’autres ennemis." exactly the same goes for the Sky and Viking Monoliths, the word's order should be this way.
Onwards to read the equipment and skills ones now! *fades away*
It's me again, the guy who said the German translation was boring. You might be right with the fact there is no need to exceed basic German here, however the language has huge potential for offering epic synonyms, especially for the words given. Might be because of its history and place of origin.
Also, German does not always sound pretty corny when translated. Sorry for making you said. Let me describe myself as a huge defender of German and Dutch.
Heh, you don't have to be sorry for making me sad As I said, I appreciate any kind of feedback, be it positive or negative.
However, I do wish people would make suggestions to help improve the translation instead of just saying that something is wrong. I know the translation won't please everyone. But I don't know how to make it sound more exciting if there are no suggestions, whether there are many epic synonyms out there or not.
As you can see below (and in all the other documents uploaded so far), I've taken my time to correct everything people wanted me to correct. I looked at their suggestions, changed my translation accordingly or told them why I kept the translation as is.
Also, I don't see where I left out any commas...? Especially not in this document, where most of the sentences/clauses are separated by a full stop. Feel free to point out some examples so I can correct that. (I'm somewhat of a grammar nazi too, even if you might not think so. I even read [link] several times while translating everything whenever I was unsure whether to put a comma or not.)
German translator likes metaphorical colors. I would translate "Blood Bat" simply as "Blutfledermaus". There's no color in the english name. Same for "Coal Bat". Maybe use "Schattenfledermaus" or "Dunkle Fledermaus".
"A large predator which uses non-elemental attacks. Goes berserk if hit by a powerful attack." -> "Ein großes Raubtier. Benutzt neutrale Attacken. Verfällt in Raserei, wenn von einem mächtigen Angriff /einer mächtigen Attacke getroffen." I like "Verfällt in Raserei"more, because the actual name of the status effect is in it, which makes it easier for the player. "erleiden" is not a good word for attacks. You get hit by attacks, you don't suffer them. How about: "Ist gut darin, Attacken auszuweichen." for evade?
"hohe magische Abwehr" -> "hohe Magieresistenz"
"Böses Ende". I like that. As well as "Donnenblume". "Kann Spieler gut lähmen" ->"Ist gut darin, Spieler zu lähmen" so the reference of "gut" is clear.
"Ein verfluchter Grabstein. Benutzt Schatten- und Giftattacken. Kann viele Statusprobleme auslösen." Yes, yes - it's "status problems" in english. Nonetheless, it should be "Statuseffekte". The english sentence is wrong.
- Fledermäuse: Heh, yes, I admit I do like metaphorical colors. Since I wanted to keep the "coal" somehow, I figured I would simply go with "kohlschwarz" and "blutrot". I also thought the names might sound nice. But alright, I will change the names to "Blutfledermaus" and "Schattenfledermaus".
- Raserei: Hmm, yeah, I thought about whether to use "verfällt in Raserei" or "wird rasend". The problem is the length. I did change "nach Erleiden einer mächtigen Attacke" to "wenn von einer mächtigen Attacke getroffen" however.
- Evade: Well, after Daikenkini's suggestion I changed it to "Ist schwer zu treffen". "Ist gut darin, Attacken auszuweichen" is a bit long. What if I change it to "Ist gut im Ausweichen"?
- Magische Abwehr: I will keep "magische Abwehr". Using "magischer Angriff" but "Magieresistenz" seems wrong.
- Böses Ende/Donnenblume: Aw, I'm glad that not everything seems to suck. XD Or was that irony...? Finding a translation for "Evil Tail" which didn't sound perverted was hard *cough*, though I myself still think Böses Ende sounds a bit silly.
- Lähmen: Changed.
- Statusprobleme: Mhmmm. I think it's fine to use Statusprobleme, in English as well as in German. This makes it more clear that negative status effects are caused. Nonetheless, I will change it. (Can you "heal" status effects or would you have to use another verb? Hm.)
I noticed it in the equipment translation (I read that first). It does sound good in most cases, but not with the bats.
"Verfällt in Raserei" - I really like that one a lot more, because, as I said, the actual name of the status effect is in it. But sure, if it's too long, it can't be helped.
"Ist gut im Ausweichen" is good, but I wonder how you translate "above average evade" then, because "Ist überdurchschnittlich im Ausweichen" sounds to me like it has even more evade than the one with high evade (because the "gut" is only omitted - "Ist überdurchschnittlich gut im Ausweichen). Didn't notice that the first time I read it. "mittelmäßig" is pointless to even mention. "besser als die meisten" is most likely to long. Maybe just ignore it, and just use the same sentence as for high evade? I don't think the difference matters that much.
Yeah, you're right. It would be wrong to use "Magieresistenz".
No, no irony. I genuinely like them. Smiled when I read them. Especially because that tail in EBF2/3 was doing more damage than the head. Damn that thing.
As you said, negative status effects are caused. Shouldn't you say so, then? Why use a different word? It complicates things. I'm not sure what you reference to with ""heal" status effects", but for a german translation I would go with "entfernen".
I'm glad I could help, really. And, all in all, your translation is pretty good.
Oh, I see. "Statusprobleme" because of the negative status effects. I mixed that a little bit up. It's because there are positive ones... I kind of ignored that, I really thought all status effects were being removed. Ok, sure. Makes sense to me now. Sorry about the correction.
Tried to replace all instances of "rasend machen" with "in Raserei verfallen" since, admittedly, I prefer that expression as well. However, "Kann die Ziele in Raserei verfallen lassen" ("May berserk targets") for example would be a much longer sentence than the ones used in the other languages.
Also, I don't know how I should translate the Tanuki Dog's description then: "It uses fire attacks and can burn and berserk itself." (currently: "Kann sich selbst verbrennen und rasend machen"). Maybe I shouldn't cling to consistency so much...
Ack! Damn! You are right. I somehow thought "Has above-average evade" means that it has more evade than the one with "high evade" but that's utter nonsense of course.
I don't think there will be that much of a difference either and it's just one monster. Probably I will just write "Ist gut im Ausweichen" as you have suggested. Alternatively, I could translate it as "Ist nicht schlecht im Ausweichen".
God, don't remind me of how annoying that thing was...
I see! Sorry, sometimes I forget that people might not have read the other documents yet. The questions about whether to use "Statusprobleme heilen" or "Statusprobleme entfernen" referred to lines in the Skills document, but I see you already left a comment there
"Statusprobleme auslösen" seems more natural to me than "Statusprobleme zufügen". "Zufügen" is a verb I'd rather use with nouns such as "Schaden" or "Verletzungen" but not with "Statusprobleme". Maybe that one is just personal preference though (as is often the case). I'll ask other people to see what they prefer.
Thanks for the compliment! I hope you'll still think the translation is good after the dialogues are done The dialogues are the hardest part to translate so far, but that was to be expected.
Ohh. That must have been a left-over from my previous attempts to use "Raserei" instead of "rasend". Awesome. Then I'll change the descriptions for the bears to "verfällt in Raserei". Changed all other instances to "zur Raserei treiben".
The description for the dog is still a bit long now... "Dieser Hund ist Alkoholiker. Benutzt Feuerattacken. Kann sich selbst in Brand setzen und zur Raserei treiben.". But I suppose it'll be okay.
Whoops. It was Frostbrynger who suggested "Ist schwer zu treffen". I shouldn't write any comments when I'm only half awake anymore. I will simply change it to "Ist gut im Ausweichen". (And I really wish I could edit comments.)
There's no need to exceed basic German here, since no other language is exceeding any basic border in their own language. The translations are pretty close to their originals and don't sound too bad, given that the german language always sounds pretty corny when translated.
The "Sludge Slime" translation to portuguese have grammar error, the correct word should be "Um inimigo fraco que pode se autodestruiR" and not "autodestruiT"
The same for "Frost Sprite" it's "USA ataques tipo gelo" not "ISA ataques tipo gelo". And "Evil Mushroom" description should be "QUE usa" and not "QE usa"
"Haunted Tree" should be translated as "Árvore Assombrada" and the description should be "Uma árvore[...]"
"Mighty Oak" should be described as "proteGe[...]" and not "proteJe".
I know these are some dumb corrections and i don't know if they're not going to be reviewed, but they can compromise your game. Also, i agree with those others comments below about portuguese translations.
By the way, thanks for making such a wonderful game and putting a lot of effort on it, we appreciate it a lot ^^
Monsters are really well translated in french (especially the bats), but sometimes i can read some weird translation :
The sentence "can buff" shouldn't translate as "peut donner des buffs". It sounds really pompous. Just use the verb "Buffer" : "Il peut buffer les autres ennemis" (Actually, The word "buff" doesn't exist in french dictionnary, it's a gamer's vocabulary. So you might aswell use the verb wich doesn't exist in the dictionnary but still very used by the gamers)
@Friend Dog "Chien copain" sound really really bad! Better to say "Chien amical" or "Chien de compagnie" or maybe "Chien fidèle"
@idols Well insteads of "statuette" you could simply use the word "idole" wich also exist in french. Statuette has a more general meaning, so better use a more precise and magic-like word.
@cat soldier "vaincre l'oppression sur son peuple" is really bad formulated. Better translate as "Un guerrier qui se bat pour libérer son peuple de l'oppression."
@Monolith "extrêmement puissantes attaques" is litteraly translated from your english, but it sounds really ugly in french. "Utilise de terribles et puissantes attaques" is better.
@Sky Monolith "Aérien" doesn't really means from the sky, plus it's an adjectif wich doesn't really suit with a monolith. "Monolithe céleste" is better.
@Slime I already said it into the equipment's feedback but : Slime doesn't exist in french, even if it's a reference to Dragon Quest, they are called "Gluant" in the french version (wich is also the french translation of slime)
@Godcat The translation is correct but why not "Chadieu"? It's a pun wich means God Cat and "Farewell" (Adieu in french).
That's all! I must admit, your french translator has some really good ideas finding good monsters/weapons' names. But tell him to be careful with the syntax of its expressions. (Not his fault, as a frenchie, I can tell you how the french language is hard)
Pour le chien copain, si je suis le seul à faire la remarque c'est peut-être juste moi le problème (je trouve que ça sonne vraiment idiot et enfantin en fait) N'hésitez pas à demander d'autres avis à ce propos du coup.
Par contre pour le "extrêmement puissantes attaques" Je suis certain que c'est une tournure incorrect, l'adverbe est ici utilisé comme un adjectif. Ca aurait été correct avec cette tournure : Des attaques extrêmement puissantes. C'est pour moi la plus grosse faute que j'ai relevé.
Cela dit, très beau boulot quand même! Bon courage pour le reste du travail!
About the Black Dragon and Dish tower: ... Wooops! I missed those About the Defender: Cool! I wasn't sure if what I used there was good enough, but, in any case, that sounds better About the Tanuki Dog: It's not necesary, since the whole phrase is "se puede quemar y enfurecer a si mismo", so the "se" parte would be redundant
I skimmed through most of the Spanish translation and it seems like it'll work out fine. The visuals should make any slight confusions obvious anyway. I will say that yea, I'm not exactly sure what a better Spanish translation for "holy" would be.